|
|
Friday, January 13th, 2006
| |
1:09 pm - the weirdness that is my brain
|
So...
Anyone who may have spoken to me over break should have heard that I really love school. I've been happy here... blah, blah, blah.
Generally, most college freshmen hate school at first, then after thanksgiving they come around and realize it's great. For me it was quite the reverse. I loved school at first, after thanksgiving it got a little less excellent. Now coming back after winter break... I almost hate it a little bit.
Now let me explain. The education offered by Hopkins is amazing. I loved my classes, I loved my professors, and I loved my department. I made some great friends who I loved as well, and I joined a club that I truly enjoyed. I thought this was all I needed. Maybe it is... But after I spoke to a bunch of people who go to a variety of other schools, I realized that Hopkins is missing some major college components; namely, a social atmosphere. I've joked around before that people here have no social skills, but it's not even that. We have limited clubs, that really make it hard to get involved. There is an insane amount of bureaucracy that makes it difficult to start a new club. There is no college-y atmosphere. No student run businesses, no collge cafe where you can meet people. We don't even have a student center. While I realize that this social atmosphere is not what college is for, I can't help but feel like it's an important part of college that I'm missing. I'm getting really frustrated by it...to the point where I'm starting at looking at other schools for transfer purposes. This maybe a little extreme, and it's likely that I won't follow through on it. It's even likely that once classes start up again, I'll remember why I loved this place to begin with.
Until then I'm going to sit here and be frustrated by my stilted social life...
current mood:  frustrated
current music: pavement
|
|
|
| Saturday, October 15th, 2005
| |
1:26 am - disclaimer
|
Just for all of those who I guess are used to lj being super melodramatic....my previous update which I have deleted, was not meant to imply that i was super miserable and emo and want to transfer or drop out of college....relax guys.
I'm very happy at hopkins. Unbelievably so, and you couldn't pay me to transfer out. My friends are great, I'm involved in a lot of great activities that I absolutely love...my classes are more than wonderful. I'm in love with my professors...the IR program at my school is amazing, etc. There was just that one thing that was annoying me, and it was brief. It by no means spiraled me into a depressive state which would lead to my wanting to transfer. I don't know if anyone noticed that my problem was not school specific at all....it's me specific and would be the case at any school. Like I said....relax everyone...everything will be ok
|
|
|
| Saturday, August 6th, 2005
| |
10:54 pm - my wonderful exhaustive day
|
|
I'm not sure that exhuastive is a word....nor am I sure that commenting on my subject headings is a good habit.
Nevertheless, here we are. I did something with my friday and I'm so excited about it that I feel as if I must share it with the world....like olden days where I outlined everyday in my livejournal. I'll take you back...
My mom had this Friday off because she works so much that she had enough hours for the week without having to work this Friday. She did however have to attend some business class that Chubb makes their employees take so that Chubb doesn't feel quite as bad when they lay everyone off. At least they have a minor one class worth of education when they release them into a job market where they aren't really needed anymore. Regardless, she figured that I could go with her and afterward we could run some errands. So...I woke up at eight, got ready whatever. Note how amazing it is that I got up at 8...without an alarm or anything. My mom had overslept however, and didn't have time to make some coffee for herself so after she went to her class and explained where I could find the nearest starbucks, I went on a starbucks run. I had myself some yummy coffee and returned to give my mother the coffee she ordered, and sat down to read. This isn't particularly interesting...but I got some nice reading done. I'm reading A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson, who is absolutely hilarious. This book really makes me want to try hiking or camping, so I'm thinking sometime next summer I'll plan a week long hiking extravaganza which will turn into a weekend camping trip. Regardless, I want to try it.
Anyway, about three chapters later, my mom comes out and we head out for errands. Our first stop the Short Hills mall. I had mentioned that the Apple store there was better than at Bridgewater, and I wanted my mom to check out the laptop so she could understand why I wanted it. It worked...the guy there did a brilliant job of making her love it...though I think now I'm going to get the ibook instead of the powerbook...and either way I'm nervous about the laptop decision. On the way out, I saw Anthropologie which is the most amazing store. I've never gone in, but I occasionally check out some stuff online. I asked my mom if we could just look through it...and well: I love that store...love it! Everything I saw I loved, and it all cost more than my life is worth. There was one shirt that was $118 and had it fit me, my mom would have gladly bought it. That made me nervous...I didn't try it on. I did, however, find an adorable tank top in the clearance section. I don't remember how much it originally cost, but I got it for $24. I was exstatic, and my mom now loves the store.....so that was good.
Then we were off to IKEA to get some stuff for my sister who recently moved into her first real apartment (and it maybe a shortlived stay since she recently discovered a small family of mice living in her studio). I love IKEA (you get the idea of the day, lots of love). It's a lot of fun, though remarkably exhausting. That place is freaking HUGE. At the end of about a four hour journey I bought a new desk lamp, several dishes which are wonderfully crazy looking, a small metal chair which struck my fancy and decided I must have for my book shelves, a garbage can, some more kitchen stuff, a couple of pretty vases for all the flowers boys will be bring me (ha!), mmm...and (I just ran downstairs to check) some filing things because I'm obsessed with organization. Have I mentioned that IKEA is great? Pretty cheap too.....yeah I love.
I got home around 6ish, helped my mom with dinner...around 8 I was lying on my bed watching the 2nd season of the West Wing, and I actually started feeling tired. I was asleep I think by 9:30ish...definately by ten and awoke this morning at 8:30 sans alarm clock. This is a good pattern, for come Monday I will have to be up at 8 for my 9 o'clock bartending classes.
Not quite as interesting, but after I got up this morning I went to go get my picture taken for my college ID because the picture I sent in the first time was unacceptable. I straightened my hair, and put on make up...which was an interesting experience since my skin kept peeling off layers at a time (as painful as it sounds...no...put the word ripping in there and it'll be as painful as it sounds). My pictures came out horrible...my chin looked pale, my forehead shiny...my lips looked bright red. Yay for a great ID card photo for four years. The guy who took my picture was really nice. He talked to me about a program that his daughter was going to to do at Johns Hopkins for freakishly smart kids, and the field I'm going into. It was nice of him, I thought, to keep up conversation with me while the photo was developing since it could have just been a really uncomfortable silence. I don't know why I wanted to mention it, except I really though it was nice...most people don't do that these days.
Anyway....that's it for my oh so interesting day. It was pretty exciting for me....I'm still really excited about it. If you saw the dishes I bought you'd completely understand. Give me a call, and you can come by and see them. I think it's worth the trip. :o)
current mood:  tired
current music: Dandy Warhols
|
|
|
| Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
| |
10:09 pm - the fat man is said to walk alone...and so alone i walk
|
That is not imply that I am a man.
Please excuse my previous entry where I momentarily freaked out over the lack of control I have over my own mind. That being said....
The laziness and lack of activity that have overcome most of this summer and a good part of last year have had dreadful effects on me which I have just come to notice. Honestly, I think all of my tennis muscle from the past seven years or so has officially this summer turned into quite disgusting portions of fat which don't suit me at all.
I don't enjoy working out...and honestly I'd rather just get the muscle back the way I first got it: by playing tennis. The problem with this is that all of my tennis friends have been playing all this time that I have not, so they have well surpassed my ability and may find me pretty frustrating to play with. I thought maybe I'd just put it off until college...but no one there who is any good will want to play with me because again...I am dreadfully out of practice.
I'm going to try to atleast get into some form of being in shape this summer before I leave. I figure the only way to get myself to do that is to log my progress...and since I know I won't do it unless I have some public pressure to do so...I'll log it here. We'll see how it goes...very little of what I want to follow through with do I actually follow through with.
hmmm.... perhaps I'll make a list. I'll keep short considering there's only about a month of summer left.
1. get into shape - play more tennis
2. learn more russian
3. read the rest of the books on my to be read pile
4. get my bartending license (atleast this i know will actually happen)
5. organize my room (i finished cleaning it today but couldn't force myself to continue on)
6. create a list of things to buy and pack for college...i think I'm resisting this one..
if i think of anything else i'll let you know.
current mood:  calm
current music: the new pornographers
|
|
|
| Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
| |
12:39 am
|
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
that is all.
current mood:  confused
current music: Kings of Convenience
|
|
|
| Monday, July 18th, 2005
| |
3:39 am - music and what it means
|
I don't think I've done enough with mysic. I love my bands...I do...but I think I spend so much time backtracking that sometime I lose touch with what I love and why I love it.
or i'm up later than I should be...and he's getting to my head.
|
|
|
| Friday, July 15th, 2005
| |
6:47 am - When you stand on the table you can touch the ceiling.
|
This is the last line of the book I just finished reading, and it is, apparently, the meaning of life. You should read Emotionally Weird (a crazy book), and then explain it to me...though I think I might get it. I'll read it again in a year to make sure.
It's a quarter to seven, and I have not yet slept. I couldn't really sleep, not because I had anything on my mind or for any other reason in particular except that my days are extremely inactive. It is perhaps for this reason, that I am experiencing my first morning all summer. It's an awfully early morning, but a nice one. I love summer mornings...though it is secondary to my love of sleep, and thus the former love is often forgotten. After finishing my crazy book, I lay on my back in my bed (apparently no longer fulfilling its conventional function as a place for sleep) observing my room. It's crazy how much my room says about me...it's crazy how much a room can say about a person. I've never been someone that's attached to their room. Or at least I hadn't been, though now I feel I am, or else it would not be so distinctly me as it is now. I looked around my room dictating in my head an essay...essentially listing the things in my room, providing a little bit of their purpose or history. I think this may become my essay for Georgetown...it may be overdone but I think I can make something out of it, instead of again capitalizing on my "unique" family history. Maybe I’ll eventually post the essay in this here live journal….
I haven’t written anything of substance in my lj in probably a year. Yet as I stared out my window watching the dawn turn into full morning, I already started plotting out this entry (a little odd, I’ll concede). Point being, that reading always makes me want to write more…as if I have more words at my disposal, and they are wasted if not used. Usually my writing is reflective of what I have read…and so if you think that this entry was crazy at all, you will believe that Emotionally Weird is a crazy book...quite worth your time if you feel you can spare it.
current mood:  creative
current music: Saturday Looks Good to Me
|
|
|
| Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
| |
8:10 pm - you completed!
|
Madness is the only way to describe this past week and a half....
It's been madness to the point where I think I'm sick with something or other...all I know is I haven't been able to force myself out of the house today..despite the availability of my slightly blemished car (I'll get to that later).
The madness probably began with the pirate party last Thursday. That's right...a pirate party...and it was rockin'. I had essentially a good time, and several great conversations...which ended in Jen, Liz, and I leaving around 4:30 because of the lack of floor space for the purpose of some strategic sleeping. I must have already entered some tired stupor as I was backing out of the drive way because at the sound of a crunch that I assumed was some gravel, I continued driving musing at what must have happened the red car next to mine whose sideview mirror was newly askew. I was further surprised to find a pretty deep scratch and a puncture in my brake light. Turns out I hit Alex Watson's car...I know, I know...I'm amazing.
No big...
Oh! I should go back. Tuesday...I went to the doctors to get a menongitis and PPD shot (PPD is for tuberculosis). Fairly uninteresting...until..at the pirate party I had a conversation that went something like this:
Me: Cait, how do you know when the tuberculosis shot is positive?
Cait: You'll have an inflamed circle around where they gave you the shot.
Me: Oh, like this? ::show her my forearm::
Cait: You might want to get that checked out..
and so I did. Apparently, I either have or have been exposed to tuberculosis. Later that day I had to go get an xray of my lungs to make sure I don't have it. Fun times...I feel like something else happened that week...I know I was at Megan's house a couple of time ...but I don't remember which days those were. So moving on... when I returned from my x-ray, now feeling somewhat sick, I cleaned the house some, and headed over the Kevin's for a barbeque. That was fun as well...I know this is all vague..but no details are coming to me...perhaps because it was a week ago...maybe.
Friday...ok I'm beginning to think I should keep a more in depth journal because I have little to no memory of what I do from day to day. I must have just stayed home. Saturday was Megan's graduation party...after which Katelyn, Kevin, Andrew, and Allie came over to watch the village. That night I decided that I should have a party....but I just haven't been up to it lately...but I promise all a party before summer is through. Sunday was Drew's graduation party, which was outside. I returned home with 10 mosquito bites which are still thoroughly plaguing me (due to a minor allergy I have to some bites). After Drew's I went home shortly, afterward joining some cool kids at AppleBees followed by a leisurely night swim. I returned home quite tired...
Allie and I had decided when she was at my house that we should revitalize the Super Nintendo craze...ok maybe not that extreme, but we were both inspired to whip out our nintendos. So Monday morning I walked to her house...well not all the way she met me half way. On East Mountain, with a thicket of trees and shrubbery on my left, I was walking toward Allie when I felt something land on my arm. In a supergirly fashion, I spazzed and twitched it off, but not before it took a bit out of my arm. It hurt and swelled a little, but it went away...until a couple of days later. Now it's a bump on my arm that keeps producing enough heat to melt Canada...quite uncomfortable. In anycase...monday was spent at Allie's beating Aladin, and playing several other games. (For all who were wondering, I am the super nintendo Master). I stayed out later than I had actually wanted to, and by the time I came home I was feeling really, really, really crappy...which did not get any better the following morning. Resisting this urge the stay home and vegitate, I made plans with allison to go to princeton, which despite my less than perky state of mind (and less than perfect state of health) was fun. I tried some vegetarian dish which was quite tasty...followed by PREX, where I bought Keep it Like a Secret by Built to Spill cd (much better than Ancient Melodies)..then we went to Bent Spoon for a refreshing desert. On the way back we realized that we still had forty minutes before our parking meter ran out so we sat on some stairs watching a photo shoot which presumably will be used for some Princeton tour book.
Princeton felt really good that day...I don't know how else to describe it. It just felt good. It wasn't too hot, for me anyway, and we were sitting in shade...and everything seemed at peace. It was really nice...then we left...and by the time I came home, I knew I wouldn't be leaving again for a while...I think I need the me time...or that lousy unidentified bug secreted some body killing fluid into my arm which is slowly beginning to affect me. We'll see how that goes...
That's where I am today...relaxing, reading, sun bathing...I'm endlessly tired, yet I haven't been able to sleep. Curious eh?
Yeah I thought so...
things to look for in the future:
- me getting my bartending license with allisong along with apparently lauren mcginley and several others
- possibly getting a job at LE again....I'M DESPERATE...you have no idea
- results of my tuberculosis x-ray
- where I will be living come fall, and with whom
- the final effects of unidentified bug
stay tuned
current mood:  hot
current music: built to spill - you were wrong
|
|
|
| Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
| |
3:29 am - MAH!
|
I must admit I really don't know what 'mah!' means, but it feels appropriate for the fact that I just took a french placement exam and did not get placed into beginners french! WOOOOO...
Yeah...i took it at 3:30 in the morning, in twenty five minute. It wasn't that bad..though I had to guess on a lot of the grammar questions because...well I learned nothing in French 5 where most of the grammar was "taught". I'm happy...I was so terrified that I'd still be placed in beginners french after five years of french...that's how much my french education sucked. but yeah...that's all.
wooooo!
current mood: ecstatic
current music: Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
|
|
|
| Thursday, June 30th, 2005
| |
11:19 pm - the senses of summer
|
This week has been interesting...ok not interesting....at all.
I'm working on it, k?
There are a couple of highlights which aren't that high nor light...hopefully that will change as summer continues. Here are some of said highlights:
- my house is being painted...it's all colorful and whatnot. The painter guy is pretty cool - he's in a cover band and he just talks to me about music all the time. So that's cool.
- i met my hero...a man who owns a record store...a man who is conservative. I died....We must have had a half hour conversation about politics, while Monica became engrossed in Weird N.J. It was awesome...and I will go back there all the time...
- last night at Meg's was fun in an interesting way. I learned a lot...and I think it opened my eyes to a lot of different things. It was good...and I'd like to have more fun nights like that, only where I don't think so much.
So the combination of last night at Meg's and some of what I learned from awesome conservative record store owner man has got me thinking...and the good kind of thinking..not the mind-poisoning type of thinking. This summer could be really good...if I let be. That's all....
current mood: inspired
current music: Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
|
|
|
| Monday, June 27th, 2005
| |
2:30 am - humor is something or other...what?
|
mm summer. With the exception of the weekends, when I sleep, shower, go to grad parties, come home, sleep, shower, etc...my summer has been rather inactive. Horrifically boring actually. My melodramatic, slightly out of tune mind has been trying to make up for the inactivity with crazy thoughts and nonsense...the type of nonsense at which I usually laugh or from which I usually distance myself. I'm working out these kinks...because I can be fixed just like the average robot.
I'm thinking of comprising a list of goals for this summer...which I normally don't like to do because when I don't complete the list I feel like a failure. However, it would do me some good to at least attempt. I know at least two relationships that I want to work on, at least two that I want to work on getting rid of. Most of all though, I need to work on me.
It's funny because I think I've written numerous entries, essays, notes where I have mentioned that high school for me was about trying to figure out who I was so I can fore go all of the uncomfortable nonsense in college and just enjoy those years. I certainly haven't enjoyed these past four...or atleast three of the four. Somewhere after sophomore year, I was becoming comfortable with who I was and I was getting used to this whole 'growing up' thing. Right now, I feel even worse than where I started several years back. The same people who helped boost my confidence helped fuck me up again. So...I need to cram all of the work I had hope would happen in four years into two months...because I'm pretty set on enjoying college. If I don't, it doesn't bode well for the rest of my life...and that's just unacceptable. This time I'll have to achieve this peace of mind by myself... without the help of other who selfishly turn their backs on you because it's convenient for them.
I am just like your house hold robot...
current mood: infuriated
current music: Pavement - Cut Your Hair
|
|
|
| Saturday, June 25th, 2005
| |
2:32 am - argimachelica
|
i'm looking for something and i'm not sure what...
oh yeah...and i graduated
current mood: confused
|
|
|
| Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
| |
10:34 pm - a very long day
|
Today has been long and weird in its length. It definately doesn't feel like I took a final this morning. It was easy and stupid, and I'm glad I didn't stress over it. Also glad I didn't waste too much time studying for it. Either way...I was done with school officially by 10. Amazing it was. After the final, Meg, Drew, Katelyn, and I went to Leahey's room to check out the cutest puppy in the world. I have nothing substantial to say about the puppy, but it's cuteness made it worth mentioning.
Then my mom picked up me and Katelyn, and I drove her home. We talked. Blah blah.
I came home and took a short nap.
I woke up, and quickly got bored (this does not bode well for summer).
I decided to do something with the day, so I called Steve. I rollerbladed and he biked to the library where I went through their cds and got a bunch for burning. You should all go check out their selection. They have some pretty cool bands that you wouldn't expect them to have. The biggest upset was the fact that they had more Cher than they did David Bowie. Crime against humanity? Or atleast music culture? I think so. I also got two books on the biography of John McCain. I couldn't decide on one, ok? He's my favorite politicain, so I thought it would make for an interesting read.
I came home feeling gross and hot. I called Monica. She picked me up. We hung out in her pool area...Jackie straightened my hair. We sped around in super cool car (which I must one day drive), blew some stuff up, played a driving game, talked. Around this time (10:30ish) since we were passing my road I figured I might as well go home. I need to write my teachers the letters I wanted to write them. I don't know if I'm really in the mood for it though.
In anycase...the day has been long and eventful I guess.
I wonder though... do I have a right to get upset if my friend ditched me, even if i expected it. It happens quite often. She says she'll call. I half knew she wouldn't so I went out. I felt if I went out and stayed busy, then it would be ok. I'm not upset, or bummed, or disappointed. Afterall, I suspected that's how it would go down. Still...do I atleast have the right to not be happy about it?
current mood: tired
current music: Morrisey
|
|
|
| Sunday, June 19th, 2005
| |
11:26 pm - yarrrrr
|
I got a new photo...several actually...but I can only post so many here. I chose one. It's my favorite one.
I know I said I'd re-post from Thursday or Wednesday or whatever that day was, but I changed my mind. It was just going to be an entry about how I stupidly threw out a five hundred dollar check, and very very luckily found it the night before it was going to the garbage dump in northern jersey. Yay me. The best part of finding it was that the next day I spent 200 dollars of it on a very fun day.
Friday, Allison and I went to go mutilate ourselves (in the words of my mom). Allison got two piercings in her cartilage which monstrously bled while I got a wicked hair cut which makes me look cooler than I am. What can you do? Afterwords, Allison distracted me while I got another set of piercings in my lobes. My left ear bled...profusely...while I was driving...around the somerset circle...
That was fun, I assure you. By the time we got to Panera, and I got out of the car, it looked like I killed a man or two and hid them in the back of my car. I didn't feel it bleed until it was already all over the place...so that was interesting...
Yummy panera then random shopping where I got girly things like lip gloss and eye shadow. This summer I will learn how to be a girl. It's on my todo list along with learn how to be as cool as my haircut.
After going through hot topic (where Allisong bought me an awesome hat for my graduation/birthday), we headed home. We could not part for too long though (she won't admit it but she's actually in love with me), so soon afterward we got back together for a photo shoot for my college ID picture. I don't know if I'll have the guts to submit any of the pictures...We'll see. I did however get a plethora of awesome pictures for lj and facebook when I get to it. Fun picture taking times (and now I miss my camera, because I had a short lived affair with Allison's digital camera...I have guilt). We then rented Alfie...and ate a lot of crappy food. Yay! It was a girl's night I suppose.
Yesterday I did the grad party thing. Good times were had. Blah Blah Blah...
I'm spent. Things are good though...so I don't mind being spent.
current mood:  grrrr
|
|
|
| Friday, June 17th, 2005
| |
1:02 am - damn you
|
Live journal, I hate you.
I'll retype my long entry later... grr
current mood: pissed off
current music: arg- arg
|
|
|
| Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
| |
12:29 am - the inevitable end made tangible by yearbooks
|
so...I've been signing yearbooks as school has come to an end. As stupid as it is, these yearbooks have forced me to come to some conclusions.
1. I come off as an snob to most people, and that bums me out. I don't mean to... Atleast next year I'll be going to school with a bunch of snobs.
2. I have no memories with people. This may be just because I've been avoiding signing the yearbooks of those closest to me, but I have nothing to say to a lot of people in my grade. I haven't done enough in high school...not nearly enough.
3. High school has come full circle. I entered with no close friends, and I'm leaving with no close friends.
There are more. I'm considering boycotting yearbooks from this point on, but I suppose that would actually be quite lame.
In other news, this past Friday I hung out with the splendiferous Drew. I was stuck in school due to the loserness of some people I know, and Drew came to my rescue. She offered to go out for coffee. Next thing we knew, it was 5 o'clock. I haven't had that kind of conversation with anyone in a really long time, and it was refreshing. I got to know someone I knew but didn't actually know. If only we could have done it earlier...you know, not a week before graduation. More of these moments to come with summer I hope.
Saturday night I had a car conversation with Hilary which put a lot of stuff into perspective for me. I'm becoming increasingly apathetic to the problems I'm having with several people. I have a feeling that this summer won't be that bad, that it will actually be quite amazing. It's just a feeling, and I hope having this feeling doesn't ruin the potential of this summer.
A week from today. Crazy isn't it? After 12 years of late nights, of stress, of obnoxious teachers, of wonderful teachers, perfect moments, and friendships, we graduate one week from today. It's weird. Right now college is just a name to me...not a place, not a school with a whole new group of people. I think now I'm more excited than anything. These past few weeks have taught me that I didn't do enough with these past four years, so I'll have to super-concentrate the next four years with amazingness.
current mood: hopeful
current music: Of Montreal
|
|
|
| Sunday, June 5th, 2005
| |
11:39 pm - the survey of doom...or not
|
I'd warn you that I'm not in the best of moods, and some of that comes out in my answers. I probably should have waited until this passed before I filled it out...but yeah.
( survey )
current mood: aggravated
current music: rilo kiley - paints peeling
|
|
|
| |
10:31 pm - untitled
|
The number of days left in high school is winding down. Up until last night, I was entirely ready to leave. Last night made me realize some of what I’m leaving behind. Now I’m almost terrified about where I’m going, and the type of person I’m leaving as. This environment and my own restlessness has led me to do and say thing that I normally wouldn’t do and say, and for that I apologize to anyone who may have been victim to my out-of-character actions.
Last night was the Debate Banquet. I left feeling uneasy and uncertain for a number of reasons, one of which was the fact that I was sick and really not feeling well the other was a feeling of regret. I regret not having started earlier. I regret not allowing myself to make some of the friendships I would have wanted to. I regret not being responsive to the opportunities made available to me. I regret a lot.
I almost cried about five times last night. 1. When presenting the gifts to the advisors. 2. during the video. 3. When we received the sheets that had comments made by others in the club. The other two times occurred at random points in the night. I said it was because I wasn’t feeling well. That was a lie. I would say that there is one friend in high school who has changed my life, who has influenced me and helped me become the person I am. I would have wanted to have the banquet be another memory for us to make together, but it wasn’t. I don’t know whether to be angry, hurt, or frustrated because I can’t stop it. Right now I’m feeling a little of all three, but at the banquet it was only pain.
So that becomes regret #874,529,361
current mood: hurt
current music: Filomath - Overrated
|
|
|
| Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
| |
9:10 pm - the delio
|
Here's the delio children. I have made a decision, more out of exhaustion then out of excitement or desire. You see here's the thing: The only thing that really really really appeals to me about NYU over JHU at this point is the whole New York City thing, where I can go see bands I love and be introduced to bands that I may eventually love. I can meet tons of new people, I can have a rockin' good time. I'm not sure where academics fall into that picture, and I can't imagine the academic environment there...
That said: Next year..I'm going to Johns Hopkins. I am going to Johns Hopkins...Johns Hopkins...Johns...Hopkins.
It's official...my mom sent the deposit in earlier today. I still have a hard time saying it outloud. It's always followed by a probably or I think. No more doubts...it's done. All I have to say is...Allison I will come visit you there all the time (no, it's not official, but I fully believe she'll be there). I will be in DC all the time. If there is no scene in Baltimore I will create one. By the time I'm done, there will be a scene, a damn good one too. I hope.
Worst comes to worst I'll transfer into NYU next year...it shouldn't be too hard since I got in once. Maybe I'll even be able to transfer into Georgetown. Maybe...I'm not obsessed.
Alright...so with my future now more or less established I am practically done with this whole school thing. Summer is on my mind and these are the things that I wish to do this summer:
1. Be in NYC a lot...maybe even get sick of it so it won't be so bad when I move far away from it.
2. go to lots of shows - hopefully doing a lot of filomath shows will lead me to other great bands to obsess over
3. read some interesting books...something life altering
4. change up the wardrobe a smidge- something that will require gradual change over the entire summer
5. philly maybe? it seemed really nice and I want to go to that creperie again.
6. meet lots of new people. I saw a kid today in school who I think graduated two years ago. He seemed fun...I need more fun people...people who can introduce me to new things.
7. i want to spend a lot of time with the people who I will actually miss come September.
8. I still want to do the whole roadtrip thing...I don't see it happening, but if anyone is interested I think we should definately do it.
9. photographize as much as humanly possible...
10. get a job - i'll need the money. Trains into DC and NYC are expensive. Not really...but I'll be going a lot.
mm yes...hmm It's a weird feeling, having all of this already figured out. I never something I could visualize...I just imagined colleges hanging around all over the place, but never one of them being mine.
current mood: weird
current music: la la la
|
|
|
| Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
| |
1:30 am - note to all
|
note to all: I have a new obsession and they are Filomath. They're music is great and all, but not worthy of obsession, and yet....obsessed I am.
They make me lean toward NYU.
Damn the wonderfullness of the city. Damn the blandness of Baltimore.
current mood:  loved
current music: Filomath - A Place in the Sun
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
originofmelody's journal